My Inspiration

My Inspiration
"Soon, I'll have my little angel"

Saturday, March 13, 2010

AF Update... WITW!!! (What In The World?)

My celebration of AF was cut short because she did not stay! She only came that one day, WITW? I am not sure what that means. I am a little nervous because that has never happened before. I am hoping it was just a mix up, but it is a little difficult to track my cycle now. I am just going to consider day three and hope that I will be ovulating again in a two weeks or so. I will keep you updated, but right now I am just going to continue as if this were a normal cycle. I am taking my temp twice a day as soon as I wake up. I guess I will have to invest in more OPK's...grr. I was hopping I would be able to calculate my ovu days without them.
Thanks for your prayers and encouragement. Maybe next month we'll have an AF party, with balloons, streamers and cake. Ha Ha Ha!'s to hoping that good ol' AF comes back!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Guess Who Came for a Visit...???

Yes, that is correct, the infamous AF came for a visit this morning. I was kind of expecting her since I recently took a pregnancy test that was a BFN(Big Fat Negative). I am actually very happy to see her because it means that all the hard work I have put in to being faithful to my diet, supplements,exercise and prayer has worked. YEAH!! Now I can better track my bbt and get a more accurate temp. I can also get a better idea of when I will ovulate that way I am not strictly relying on my CM and OPK's. Pray with me that with continued faithfulness to the fertility food plan and lifestyle that I will continue to ovulate and hopefully soon turn that BFN into a BFP!
Thank you my friends for your support through this journey so far. It has been only by the goodness of God and your faithful encouragement that I have stuck to my journey and not given up. When sugar called my name, I replied with a BFN, because then I would have to tell and disappoint my blog buddies. When the seductive scent of coffee wafted through my home, I said "NO, sir. None for this baby-ready body!" I have lost nearly 12lbs since I started this journey. I feel better, (well not 1 of AF is always a bite in the butt.) But in general I have tons more energy, a much better attitude (leading to a happy husband), and definitely a better relationship with God.
The journey is far from over, or at least a month or so away, but I am more committed to this journey than ever, because so far it has been a success. Yes, I know I am probably the only person alive who is celebrating that monthly visit and considering it a gift from God, rather than the curse of Eve. However, I may be happy this month to see good ol' auntie Flo, but if the woman comes back next month I might not be so hospitable.

Goal 1: Make myself ovulate...DONE! 3/11/10

Goal 2: Conceive a Baby!!

"I would have despaired unless I would have believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord..." (Psalm 27:13)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Encouragement from God!

These days my Bible reading has consistently focused on the goodness of God and comfort in His will for my life. I am constantly reminding myself, that even though I don't have a child of my own, God is still good! I have spent numerous days studying the familiar stories of Rachel, Hannah and Elizabeth, looking for encouragement. I have also spent a good many days telling myself that my struggle with infertility is God's will for me and that I need to stop crying over it and rejoice about all the things I do have. While this is true, the God has blessed me greatly and He deserves my praise for it, I was excited to find a verse that reminds me that it is okay to grieve for my empty womb. In fact, according to this verse, He seems to validate it.

"There are three things that will not be satisfied, four that will not say, Enough. Sheol [Death] and the barren womb, Earth that is never satisfied with water, and fire that never says, Enough" (Proverbs 30:15b-16)

A book I am reading about infertility explained this verse this way. The barren womb is considered to have a force parallel to these natural forces. This verse personifies these natural entities, if they could speak they would NOT say "I am satisfied, I need more." Just as death will never say "no one else can die, because the I am satisfied that the underworld is full enough", and the Earth continues to absorb water left on its surface after a rain storm, and a fire unless it has run out of fuel, will not stop because it thinks it has burned enough, the barren womb doesn't stop desiring a child just because it hasn't happened yet. "It is natural for a childless couple to desire children and feel unsatisfied when the desire goes unmet. Such lack of being content or satisfied is the natural order of things" (The Infertility Companion, Sandra L. Glahn and William H. Cutter)

This verse reminds that God understands what I am going through. He created these laws of nature, He has given my husband and me the desire for children. It is a good and natural desire and when it doesn't happen it is devastating. And while other people may try to minimize our pain of infertility by considering our grief and discontent ungodly or faithless, My God doesn't minimize our pain. While I know this doesn't give me an excuse to sin, it does comfort me to know that I can cry over the pain of a non existent child, and God understands.