My Journey to Motherhood: Prep for Pap! Sometimes it's hard being a woman...

Monday, February 22, 2010

Prep for Pap! Sometimes it's hard being a woman...

I just scheduled an appointment for my annual Pap. I don't know about you, but I absolutely dread them. I don't really think anyone particularly enjoys them, but my dread comes more from fear than anything else. Yes, that's right I fear the smear! It causes me days worth of anxiety for such a stupid reason: I become overly self conscious. I know that gynecologists are professionals and they see many vaginas daily and mine is but a blip on their radar. It may be because of my chaste upbringing, or because my husband is the only other one to be down there (other than my gyno & fertility doctor ) or because I am actually nuts; but while I am laying on that cold, uncomfortable table covered with that scratchy crepe paper and my legs are in what I can only assume to be a medieval torture device and my butt is hanging off the table, I am thinking ridiculous things like...did I landscape my garden well enough? Did I do it too much and he will think I did it just for this appointment? Wait...was I supposed to landscape or not, don't some doctors prefer you don't, I can't remember what this doctor prefers. Do I smell down there? I didn't smell anything, but maybe I have a cold, or do I have to have my nose down there in order to smell it? What if he gets inappropriate with me? What if I fart? Please, Lord don't let me fart! My anxiety is further enhanced when the tormentor (doctor) says "Just relax, it will go much more smoothly if you just relax. Take some deep breathes." Now, I am more nervous and a little perturbed. I want to say, "Why don't we switch places and see how well you relax, Mister." You may be thinking: well , Brandy if a male gyno causes you this much anxiety switch to a female...I have, and I have most of the same thoughts but they are more worrisome because women are more critical and catty about other woman, professional or not. And in my experience females tend to be a little less gentle. Am I certifiable? Maybe, but we all have our fears and this is one of mine,second only to clowns. Aack!

******I have come up with a great idea that will save us all this hassle, yes, it may put some gynecologists out of business, but that is a risk I am willing to take. I think someone should invent the an in-home pap smear test. Kind of like a home pregnancy test...all we have to is take it home, insert it and wait three minutes for it to say NORMAL or ABNORMAL. Of course if it is abnormal you must visit your doctor immediately(see I am not actually putting all gyno's out of business) however, if it is normal, how wonderful for you. Think about it...how many times have you gone in for this uncomfortable, torturous procedure only to wait a very long week until you receive a phone call or a letter, telling you everything is normal? If we had an in-home pap test, we would only have to spread, scoot and hang when absolutely necessary. Go ahead and say it- I am a genius for this having this idea. I kind of have to agree with you! However, we must insist that who ever invents this be a female, because if the inventor happens to be male we know it be complicated, lack instructions , and require a power tool, and we will probably some how still end up on our backs. I am sure I have given you all some fun things to think about at your next appointment... Happy Pappy to you all!

2 comments:

UnknownFebruary 22, 2010 at 1:03 PM
OMG you are a genius! LOL This post was just too hilarious, I wish you were closer!
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JackieFebruary 23, 2010 at 10:20 AM
hahahaha...that is the funniest thing I have ever read! Glad to know I am not the only nutty one around!! LOL! (:
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Yummy Fertility Recipes...they are good for anybody.

Breakfasts:
** Whole Wheat French Toast w/Turkey Bacon.--Beat 2 eggs, 1/4 c milk, 1 tsp each cinnamon and nutmeg and 2 tsp vanilla extract. Soak 1 piece whole wheat bread for 2 min. (since whole wheat is a little thicker it takes longer to soak in the egg mixture.) Place on skillet sprayed with cooking spray. Sprinkle with 1 tbs of powdered sugar and top with berries or bananas.
Snacks :
**1/2 c organic granola, 1 c Oikos organic Greek yogurt, and 1/2 cup sliced strawberries
**Celery with PB and Raisins (I know flash backs to Kindergarten)
Lunch:
** 1 c Pasta Salad- 2 cups cooked whole wheat pasta penne (drained and cooled) at 1 can of Tuna, chopped onions, cucumber and tomato. 1 c Feta Cheese & 3/4 c Kraft Tuscan House Dressing and Marinade. Mix ingred well and chill 2hrs b4 serving.
Dinner:
**Italian Baked Salmon- Drizzle olive oil on bottom of baking dish. Place 4 Salmon Fillets in dish. Sprinkle with salt&pepper and turn over to coat both sides with oil. Squeeze juice of one lemon over top. In a mixing bowl, combine 160z can diced tomatos (organic if possible), chopped onion and garlic, juice of 2 fresh lemons, 2 tsp of each basil, oregano and italian seasoning. Mix together and pour atop Salmon. Spread to cover all. Bake at 350 for about 20-30 min.

My Fertile Foods List

Proteins: 3-5 Serv./day: Full fat dairy (when the fat is taken from it, the hormones are messed with and the chemicals mess with fertility, because of fat only 2 dairy serv. a day), beans, nuts, eggs, salmon, oysters, canned tuna. Limit intake of animal protein, lean poultry and lean red meat are okay once or twice a week.
Friuts & Veggies: 5 Serv./day: Leafy greens, spinach, avacados, sweet potatos (all help fertility and control sugar), Most fruits are fine, except bananas. Fertile fruits include: fresh pinapple, blueberries, oranges, grapefruit, all citrus.
Carbs: 5 serv./day :Whole grain bread, pasta, rice and cereal. No sugar or sugar substitutes. (Aspartame is very bad for reproductive system)
Beverages: 64oz.water daily, (I squeeze orange, lemon and grapefruit into mine to help) Green Tea sweetened with honey, and Milk. No caffeine, sugar, or even sugar-free drinks.

What is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome?

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common hormonal disorder among women of reproductive age. The name of the condition comes from the appearance of the ovaries in most, but not all, women with the disorder — enlarged and containing numerous small cysts located along the outer edge of each ovary (polycystic appearance).
Infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods, excess hair growth, acne and obesity can all occur in women with polycystic ovary syndrome. Menstrual abnormality may signal the condition in adolescence, or PCOS may become apparent later following weight gain or difficulty becoming pregnant.
The exact cause of polycystic ovary syndrome is unknown. Women with polycystic ovary syndrome may have trouble becoming pregnant due to infrequent or lack of ovulation. Early diagnosis and treatment of polycystic ovary syndrome can help reduce the risk of long-term complications, such as type 2 diabetes, heart disease and stroke.
Symptoms
Polycystic ovary syndrome signs and symptoms often begin soon after you first begin having periods (menarche). In some cases, PCOS develops later on during your reproductive years, for instance, in response to substantial weight gain.
Signs and symptoms vary from person to person, in both type and severity. To be diagnosed with the condition, your doctor looks for at least two of the following:
1.Menstrual abnormality. This is the most common characteristic.
2. Elevated levels of male hormones (androgens) may result in physical signs, such as excess facial and body hair.
3.Polycystic ovaries. Enlarged ovaries containing numerous small cysts can be detected by ultrasound. Despite the condition's name, polycystic ovaries alone do not confirm the diagnosis. To be diagnosed with PCOS, you must also have abnormal menstrual cycles or signs of androgen excess. Some women with polycystic ovaries may not have PCOS, while a few women with the condition have ovaries that appear normal.
4. Infertility. Women with polycystic ovary syndrome may have trouble becoming pregnant because they experience infrequent ovulation or a lack of ovulation. PCOS is the most common cause of female infertility.
5. Obesity. About half the women with polycystic ovary syndrome are obese.
6. Prediabetes or type 2 diabetes. Many women with polycystic ovary syndrome are insulin resistant, which impairs the body's ability to use insulin effectively to regulate blood sugar. This can result in high blood sugar and type 2 diabetes. Prediabetes is also called impaired glucose tolerance.
7.Acanthosis nigricans. This is the medical term for darkened, velvety skin on the nape of your neck, armpits, inner thighs, vulva or under your breasts. This skin condition is a sign of insulin resistance.

Talk with your doctor if you have menstrual irregularities — such as infrequent periods, prolonged periods or no menstrual periods — and have excess hair on your face and body or acne.

Causes:
In polycystic ovary syndrome, the pituitary gland may secrete high levels of LH and the ovaries may make excess androgens. This disrupts the normal menstrual cycle and may lead to infertility, excess body hair and acne.Doctors don't know the cause of polycystic ovary syndrome, but these factors likely play a role:
1. Excess insulin. Insulin is the hormone produced in the pancreas that allows cells to use sugar (glucose), your body's primary energy supply. If you have insulin resistance, your ability to use insulin effectively is impaired, and your pancreas has to secrete more insulin to make glucose available to cells. The excess insulin is thought to boost androgen production by your ovaries.
2. Low-grade inflammation. Your body's white blood cells produce substances to fight infection in a process called inflammation.
3. Heredity. If your mother or sister has PCOS, you might have a greater chance of having it, too. Researchers also are looking into the possibility that mutated genes are linked to PCOS.
4. Abnormal fetal development. New research shows that excessive exposure to male hormones (androgens) in fetal life may permanently prevent normal genes from working the way they're supposed to — a process known as gene expression. This may promote a male pattern of abdominal fat distribution, which increases the risk of insulin resistance and low-grade inflammation. Research continues to establish to what extent these factors might contribute to PCOS.

Researchers continue to explore possible causes of PCOS. Among topics of current research are whether low-grade inflammation and fetal exposure to excessive androgens might trigger the condition.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/polycystic-ovarian-syndrome

I have found this website to be helpful for me.
http://www.pcossupport.com/

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