Things an Infertile Should Never Do!

Just as there are things that shouldn't be said to infertiles, there are also things we infertiles should never do. Yesterday I went to the doctors office with one of my friends; she is 17 weeks pregnant. I was more than happy to be there for moral support, and thought nothing of it at the time. I was glad to be with my friend, whom I haven't spent time with in a while. Anyway, sitting in the waiting room proved to be a little disconcerting. In my head I knew there would be other pregnant woman there, but for some reason seeing so many in one room filled me with the strongest mix of desire and disappointment. My desire to join the ranks of the glowing woman, dressed in cute maternity clothes smiling as she rubs her round belly skyrocketed. My disappointment by the fact that it may not happen for me also skyrocketed. Watching the little kids run around while their mothers scold them for being to loud, all the while giving that proud but embarrassed look that their child has just figured out that if he speaks loud enough the whole room will chuckle with him. It was almost too much for me to handle. I hid my feelings from my friend; I did not want my infertility to hinder her excitement in anyway. And I am truly excited for her, she is already a great mom of two boys and she is hoping this is her girl. After I returned home I decided that an OB/Gyn waiting room is definitely a place that woman with fertility problems should never go. Here is a list of few other things infertiles should never do or ever go:

1. Should never offer to host a baby shower. I did this after our first failed treatment of Clomid. It was uncomfortable because many of the woman knew my problem, and they didn't know how to deal with it. I was uncomfortable because I felt like no matter how much attention I tried to give to the mommy-to-be, I seemed to be the one who drew the attention. I was embarrassed. I will never host one again.
2. Never visit Babies R Us.
3. Church on Mother's day. This is hard for those who aren't mother's and who have lost their mothers.
4. Chuck E Cheese
5. The Mall around the holidays.

Avoiding these things may seem silly or selfish, but if they keep me from not dwelling on what I don't have so much, then it is for the best. I am reminded enough of my lack of child by that empty spot in my otherwise full heart, I don't need to torture myself. As I have said before, infertility is one of the most selfish diseases. Even the most selfless person, can become selfish when it comes to being unable to conceive the desired child. I think that it is inevitable that woman become selfish about motherhood in a good way. Whether they have children or not motherhood is something that a woman goes through on her own. While she loves her husband, and that relationship comes first. A mother's love is something that unless you're on the giving or receiving end you will not understand. It's powerful, it's heartbreaking, its fulfilling, it's unconditional, and it's selfish in that you don't want to share it with another. I was lucky to have the love of three mothers, one biological, and two adopted. However, do you think my biological mother ever allowed me to call those other women MOM, no. If she hadn't raised me for half of my life it would be a different story, but since she didn't want to share motherhood with them. You who are mothers are sure to understand. I think sometimes selfishness is okay, especially when applied to motherhood. I almost think it is deserved.